Groom of the Stool

So today, a very big day for little Jack: going home day! And what better way to celebrate than by crapping all over Dad?

Yes, Jack awoke very early today with a wet diaper. Dad was Johnny-on-the-spot with a freshie, got him all clean and dry, slid the diaper into place when suddenly -- have you seen Finding Nemo? You know when that little baby squid "inks" herself? That's pretty much what happened. There was a merry bubbling tooting kind of sound, and as they say in The Bevery Hillbillies, out came the bubblin' crude. Expressions of alarm and surprise from Dad soon followed. When the flow abated I slid the diaper out to try to get him clean and suddenly the Golden Shower of Love was happening, and me with my hands full.

Now, Jack has the body of a tiny innocent baby but the spirit of an extremely peppy kangaroo. When he is swaddled, he strains mightily against his bonds, resembling Houdini wriggling out of a straitjacket, and is often as successful. When his legs are free he can push himself almost to the top of his bassinet with one mighty thrust. So it is quite enough of a challenge to keep his kicking feet out of his own poo when you're removing a brand new diaper he's soiled, but as you're doing so, if he lets rip with a beastly, enormous flow of meconium (that's Latin for "green-black newborn baby poo"), you're in for it, no mistake.

Which is what happened after the little spritz, so now I had to call in reinforcements (AKA Genevieve), as removal of the changing pad, suspension of Jack over a sea of poo and installation of a new diaper all at the same time was a little more than two hands' worth or work. Finally the situation stabilized to a point where I could do my job, as Groom of the Stool, my new official title. If you don't know what that means, click on it, but be warned: it ain't pleasant, but it is literally noble.

Backtracking a bit, it is no surprise Jack had a mighty poo today because last night, after some OK but lackluster feedings, he really went to town big time. Like, a thing possessed. Genevieve was marvelling, and also saying "Ow!" from time to time, so zesty were his feedings. Then a funny thing happened. After his feeding, burping, and diaper-freshening, he was still really cranky and just wouldn't go to sleep. Humming to him, shushing and rocking him, all worked temporarily until we put him in his little bed. He would be cool for a few seconds and the -- WAAAAH!

After a couple of hours of this we decided to do what we did the first night. We plopped this cranky litle boy on a pillow tucked under the crook of Mommy's arm and he was out like a light instantaneously. And the whole family got a few hours snooze time.

This morning Dr. Katz stopped by for a final check of Genevieve and pronounced her ready to go, and our pediatrician, Dr. Weiner, came by and checked out Jack, declaring him totally healthy; we're to stop by her office tomorrow for a quick checkup & weigh-in.

After some final paperwork, we dressed Jack in the same outfit his mommy wore home from the hospital, as well as all her sisters (above). Yes, it is a trifle girlish but tradition is tradition. (I'm sorry Don and Kathy, I had to draw the line at the little bonnet.) We checked out of the hospital and came on home, driving extra careful of course; Jack seemed to enjoy most of the ride in his new car seat complete with teddy bear viewing mirror.

We introduced Jack to Boris after letting Boris have a frolic and a walk with Genevieve, whom he has missed badly for the last few days. He seemed kind of interested but not at all weird or jealous, much as I expected: he is just a wonderful dog. I know everyone says that about their good doggies, but Boris is a special case, as even the people at the dog hospital said.

Jack rested for a bit in his chair on the dining room table, snuggled in his Cubs quilt, and then it was lunch time. A quick snack for Jack, and then it was into the bassinet, speaking of tradition: the same bassinet I slept in over 40 years ago, and all the Sheehan children have been in over the years!

Now we're all a little bushed. Need a trip to the store later for some baby items we realized we'd need at the hospital (more barf rags and baby t-shirts with snaps), and some groceries, and then it will feel like we've settled in a bit.

Gonna cool it on the updates a bit -- not expecting much newsworthy until tomorrow or so, and we need some time to be cool and settle in. Thanks again everyone who has been in touch. I haven't been able to call each of you personally but you are in our thoughts.